"Everyone! Attention, please! Stop the whispering and eye-rolling. This is Ms. Ivoria Tower. She's been gracious enough to come to our office and will now share her thoughts on this week's paper. Do have the courtesy to at least pretend to pay attention!"
"Thank you. First of all, what a lovely and expansive office you have. It's amazing what money can buy, isn't it? Like you, I reside in a world that has little to do with the reality most journalists face – the daily toils, the dark dungeon-like working conditions, all those unpleasantries – which makes me the perfect person to help you, don't you think? Please tell Mr. Arkley you think so, won't you? All these budget cuts at HSU have me the slightest bit worried... But I digress. Let's look at your delightful paper.
"First of all, your Arts section? Stunning. Wendy Butler – yes, you, Wendy – sure can turn a phrase, can't she? You'd do well to follow her example. Also – and excuse me, you two there? Do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us? No? OK, then? – after carefully reading everyone's work, I must say, I cannot believe Laura Provolt is a mere intern! Fine work, Laura. Excuse me, sir, but what is that you keep sneaking? Is that a flask? Oh, dear."
"All right, team! Yeah! Nice work as always, Johnny boy. James, whose the fat guy now, huh? That's right, buddy! Don't leave me hanging! Hand me one of those donuts, will ya? Who says we don't take care of our people? That's what I'm talking about!"
"I think I could've fit one more color on the front page, but otherwise, it's a decent issue, aside from that unfortunate headline typo on the front page of course. Oh well, let's try again this week. Everyone have stories? OK. See you all on deadline. I'll bring snacks. Terrence, your photos are stunning as always. This week, don't be afraid to go artsy. I think I'm really going to push the envelope design-wise."
"OK, guys, we've got a big story coming up. Let's take some time to get it right. Love being a weekly. Love it. But we'll need some filler this week. Bob, think you could write something, oh, I don't know, about yourself this week? Super."